Thursday, July 7, 2011

Judgment Pants firmly on and up

Today I went to the mall with yesterday's Adorable Letter Writer (who also took the photo of my outfit today! Hooray ALW!).

Some notes:
1. If your cutoff denim shorts are so short that you can see the pockets hanging down past the cutoff line, they are too short. This impact is supercharged when you are wearing cowboy boots and a tube top. Unless you are at work as an exotic dancer at a Country and Western themed strip club (but only while you are actually working, once you're off put some real pants on, and maybe a real shirt to go with them).

2. I have no quibble with ladies who do a little lifting or tucking or botoxing. But what you want to NOT look like is Cheetara from the Thundercats. Overbleaching your hair in conjunction with the plastic surgery is unhelpful when attempting to avoid this look.

(Woah that picture was bigger than I planned and I can't figure out how to resize it, so you're going to have to live with it. It's cool, cause in like 30 years I'm showing this to my plastic surgeon and saying "make me look nothing like this" so it's good to have a big picture for reference.)

3. Mall kiosk people who harass you are the worst. I'm pretty sure that hell, if it exists, is being forced to walk through the mall over and over again while people try to sell you stuff that is such crap that department stores won't hawk it and it needs to get sold in a booth. ALW notes that the absolute worst ones are the ones that insult you while trying to sell you stuff. She had this happen regarding her fingernails, with one of those buffing kits. I've had a similar thing go down with a guy trying to sell me an overpriced flat iron.

Dude: Do you straighten your hair?
Me: No (blatantly lying as I'm trying to race past him).
Dude: Well you really should, it would look much better.
Me: Ok, really? Seriously? (Then we stopped talking.)

Bro, I don't want to be a bitch, but I have a real job and you work in the mall selling stuff out of a booth, so maybe you can keep your feelings on my hair to yourself. Just saying.

Other than that, successful mall run, except ALW didn't buy anything and she's kind of been on the hunt for clothes that reflect her new status as successful-adult-with-a-job (now, she wears a uniform to work so this isn't super crucial but it's still fun). She asked me to do a post on figuring out your personal style--but I'm not sure I'm qualified for that.

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